6/30/11

I'm back. It's been too long. I let someone make me feel like crap for the things that I said in my blog. But here I am. With a whole stew of new adventures.
J and I broke up. AND I'm 4 weeks pregnant. It's a really rough time for me. On one hand I am so excited about having a baby (please be a girl, please be a girl, please be a girl) but on the other hand, I wish I wasn't doing this alone. I wish I had someone other than Holly to go to my doctors appointments, and pick names, figure out if we're going to find out the sex... all the fun things that go with having a baby. but I don't. And that's okay.
It's hard going from being with someone for 2 years to being alone and having a baby. But on the plus side, nobody to argue names, bedding and my 2 am cravings for taco bell :)

I'm going to break my blogs into seperate parts for now

BABY!
I've been praying for a girl. Truth is, aside from the pink and the wonderfulness I can't think of baby boy names LOL. So if it is a girl,
It's Madeline Grace Madi for short. I LOVES IT!
I've been put on Zolfan for neausia. It makes me super tired, but the trade off is worth it. I could keep maybe 300 calories down a day before the meds and now I can actually eat! I'm working out so I dont turn into a hump back whale by the end of this. It took me way too long to get rid of jeremiah baby fat and I know the seconds are harder. But I sure am loving these boobs. I am due around st. patricks day. conveniant. J's birthday. Rock on lol.

My life:
Still a STRAIGHT A STUDENT! and i'm not taking easy classes. I'm taking medical terminology, neutrition, and family studies. And the funny part is, nutrition is my hardest class. I guess it's not so much of a suprsie to anyone who knows my taco bell addictions lol.
I'm really lonely. I miss J. I feel like an incomplete person. I feel like I have no purpose anymore. I saw my everything in him. I wish I could say that he would turn around, but I don't think so. I don't even want to know what he's doing because it's going to break my heart when he is with someone else. I wish he would at least care about this baby. but he just wants me to abort. I'm not going to though. I made the appointment. I did all I thought I should do. But I can't. Anyone who knows my heart knows that I could never live with myself if I went down this road.
It's funny. I have had some very awesomely attractive men want to take me out lately. I just can't do it. Aside from the whole knocked up thing,  I know that I am not ready to give any part of me to anyone else. Maybe I'll become a nun. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
i got laid off earlier this week, I was devistated, but I've already started to get my hours back so that's a plus. I just hope that I can keep my days 3 in a row so I can keep this job while living in Fresno. until I can find a place there. ITS SO CHEAP. go back to court for Jeremiah soon. I'm really hoping things go my way so I can leave California. I'm trying to figure out where I'm going to move though. Ideas???

Well I think this is all for the night. I got to mop the floors and hit the hay.
This medicine is kickin my BUTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!

3 weeks along. 6/28/11
Brittany & Baby